i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
