I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
