"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
