so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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