so that wasnt chicken after all
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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