Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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