there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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