3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
