Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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