We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
