She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
