my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There are leaves in my underwear?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
