The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
