On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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