Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
