Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
