problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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