So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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