Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
