I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
