booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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