**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize