we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
