I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
