Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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