ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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