Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
