A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
