I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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