I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
