just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
