I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
