remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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