laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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