She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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