last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
