Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
