I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
