ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
