Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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