Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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