This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
