It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
