You made me cry and you don't even care
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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