I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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