do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
