My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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