eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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