Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize