I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
