I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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