This dress was meant to end up on your floor
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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