There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
