Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
