One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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