make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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