Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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