I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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