STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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