i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
