somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
