Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize