I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
