Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
