Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
