were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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