Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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