I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
